Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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