Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
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How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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