I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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