Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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