I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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