i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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