nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize