Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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