I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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