I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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