I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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