she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize