no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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