What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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