she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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