I cut my penus on the lid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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