My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize