I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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