Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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