i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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