Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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