Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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