this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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