Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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