Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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