Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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