No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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