I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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