FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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