I wish my penis had an off switch
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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