I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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