I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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