Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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