Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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