Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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