Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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