Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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