If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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