My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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