I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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