This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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