Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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