your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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