turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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