i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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