The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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