Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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