I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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