Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
its liver damage thursday
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