you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i believe in u and ur pee
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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