Will you blow on my dice?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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