Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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