based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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